It’s one of the most common phrases in marketing, and it’s very popular with salespeople, mostly because it’s one of those terms that isn’t technically a lie, but certainly doesn’t mean what you think it does.

What you mean by ‘top rank’ is being the first entry for a popular term that describes what you do, but what the salesperson means is being the first entry for a search term that won’t cost them very much money – regardless of whether people are actually searching for it or not.

For example, being ranked first for “inexpensive apparel” doesn’t have the impact of being ranked first for “cheap clothing”, because no-one’s going to be searching the first term anyway.

Everyone wants top ranking in search engines, but top rank for a random term that no-one ever searches isn’t going to get you more business – and that’s the whole point of paying out for marketing in the first place.

An honest online marketer won’t promise you ‘top ranking’, because it’s a meaningless phrase. What you really need from a marketer is a guarantee that they will work to find the most useful terms for your business, terms that balance the cost of the click against the business it brings you.

So beware of marketers promising you top ranking. They might not be lying, but they’re coming damned close.

I have found plenty of interesting company names, that appear to be related to a fun business, but I’m afraid I couldn’t find any information on the web to back this up. I am astonished at the number of companies that appear not to have any Internet presence. 

Many of these companies have been established for several years and clearly do not have a web marketing strategy. I do understand that is not a priority for every business. Although, I was shocked at just how difficult it was to find any information, other than credit reports for sale, on the Internet about these businesses.  

Whatever your business does, I strongly believe, that you should have at least a basic website explaining what you do so that anyone searching for you, through Companies House, can contact you. 

I am afraid that I have limited time so here are a few companies that amused me. The final three made it onto this list, despite not having a website, as I am embarrassed about the lack of content here!

Fancyapint Ltd

The website claims “Every pub listed here has been visited by Fancyapint.com”. I bet they never have recruitment problems although I do wonder about the number of sick days? 

Mystery shoppers Limited

I took this except from their website: 

“We’ve set up plumbing blockages and car faults. We’ve cheated in exams (to check the invigilators are alert), parked illegally (to test the council’s parking wardens), shoplifted (to check the security systems) and gone on timeshare holidays. We’ve parked bicycles to see how quickly they get stolen (quickest was 75 minutes – in Croydon).

We’ve been pregnant, bankrupt, hard-of-hearing, teenagers looking for contraception, pensioners buying insurance and trainee teachers. We’ve recruited Chinese gamblers, housing tenants, disabled mystery shoppers and males to take the last dance at a lap-dancing club (to ensure nothing is occurring which contravenes the licence).” 

The chocolate tasting club LTD

Their website boasts “we’ve tasted well over 1,500 different recipes”. Not even I can compete with that!

Naturists limited

I would love to spend a day as a telephone rep for these guys…

“The Naturist Action Group campaigns for naturism in Britain, seeking better facilities and more locations where nude recreation is accepted.”

The stunt company LTD

This certainly sounds like fun but I couldn’t find a website!

Wine tasting company LTD

I searched against numerous wine companies at Companies House but struggled to find any matching websites.

Rent a husband LTD

I am assuming this an excellent company name for a handy man service but again I couldn’t find a website.

Does anyone know any fun companies, as this list needs improving?